Forgotten Time
by BDBLover
Summary: Therror a warrior vampire more powerful than most will not join the Brotherhood who is sworn to protect their race He's chosen to live alone and pays allegiance to no one until one day when he meets Ryala. She will change his destiny in ways he can not se


As the clock chimed twelve times Therror had that feeling that you get when something big is about to happen

Black Blood Brotherhood. An elite group of warrior's brought together for the sole purpose of protecting the vampire race. For thousands of years their race has been hunted and killed by the Lycans and Wraiths who wish to rid the world of humans and other species alike making themselves the supreme beings. The Brotherhood was formed to stop that from happening. The Black Blood Brotherhood is made up of six warrior males who have sacrificed their lives to keep their race alive and thriving. As the war between the races continues each Brother has to fight a battle within themselves. Battle's that will define them as warriors. Battle's that will make them into what they were born to become. Mabey they will overcome the obstacles in their way and become the warriors that they are destined to be. Mabey they will fail and walk away from their calling. Only one knows…one who sees and knows all. The Scribe Virgin. The goddess of their race. Only she knows what will become of these warriors. Only she can see the future but never will she mess with her beloved children's free will. She sees what could happen, what will happen but will never interfere. She sits and waits for her chosen warriors to step into their calling and walk in their destiny.

As the clock chimed twelve times Therror had that feeling that you get when something big is about to happen. It's not a revalation or any kind of wow moment but it's just a nervous twitter in the pit of your stomach or a tickle at the back of your neck. Right now he was experiencing both. He looked around the room only seeing dark. He sat alone in his room on the edge of his bed. Why he was in the dark he didn't even really know. Or was that a lie? He had a feeling that he knew the reason but he didn't want to admit it to himself. Ever since seeing Ryala he'd been like this. Restless, unable to sleep, to tired to concentrate on anything important. He wasn't a brother so going out hunting with them was off limits. That was a rule that had just been implemented by Crimson and Gavrael. They had decided that it was to dangerous even for a male like himself to be out in the thick of things.

What he wouldn't give to be out there right now killing something…he needed the feel of the adrenanline zinging through his veins as he beat the heck out of someone…or something. Sitting here at the Brotherhood compound was driving him nuts. He stood up off the bed and walked downstairs. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs feeling her in the house. Ryala. The only one who could make him think stupid things like settling down and making a family. Something he had no business doing. God he was and always had been hard core. Someone who didn't take crap from anyone and paid allegiance to no one. Why the heck would he be thinking of buying stock in the ball and chain market? He shook his head and continued down the rest of the stairs.

A second later Bane came walking down the hall shaking his head looking frustrated which wasn't abnormal for the king of their race to do. Bane lifted his head and seen Therror then came to a dead stop and Therror cringed. Crap…he was about to get suckered in something he didn't want to be suckered into.

"Hey Brother, What's doing?" Bane said with smile.

Therror raised his eyebrow a little as he looked Bane over. "Nothing much. Did you need something?" He knew he should've probably tacked on the whole 'my lord' thing but he was never big on giving respect even to those who deserved it. Bane's eyes narrowed but he wasn't big on receiving the whole kingly respect so he let it go.

"I need you to speak to Ryala"

"What?" Therror didn't want to go near that female…and yet he didn't want to stay away. "why the heck would you want me to speak to her?"

Bane sighed glancing back at the hallway he'd just come from then looked back up at Therror. "She won't speak to me"

Therror's mouth fell open and he shook his head. _You freaking selfish idiot_, was the thought that ran through his head but instead he said. "hmm gee you think? You humiliated her in front of the entire brotherhood with your refusal to be with her. Why the heck would she want to speak with you?" Even he heard the anger in his voice and was a little shocked by it but wouldn't admit it. Bane was definitely shocked as his eyebrows shot up then his face hardened into an angry mask.

"what the heck was I supposed to do Therror? Give up Kalia? Forget that."

"I'm not even going there with you….My Lord" He spat at him. He wondered for a brief second where all this aggression over Ryala was coming from but then shoved the thouhght away. He was just antsy from being locked up in the mansion.

Bane's eyes were deadly as he glared at Therror. Anger seeped from him but Therror threw it back at him. Nothing scared him….not even a pissed off, vampire king. The staring contest lasted for what felt like forever then Bane let out a long suffering sigh and rubbed his eyes. "She hasn't left her room since that night. She won't eat, won't speak to anyone. Frankly I'm worried that…..heck I'm just worried"

"Why would you be worried about her? You cast her off like a piece of trash" That got Bane going. He took a step forward getting all up in Therror's grill.

"Just because I didn't want to keep her as my shellan doesn't mean that I don't give a crap about her Therror. She is a female of our race…scorned by me, living with the brotherhood. She's my responsibility and I want to make sure she's alright….now dang it Therror stop dicking around with me! Will you speak to her on my behalf or not?!"

The sorrow that Therror had glimpsed in his King's eyes as he spoke of Ryala kept him from coming back with something nasty. Therror lowered his eyes just enough to be respectful. He opened his mouth….shut it again….then took a step back and turned around thinking. His pull to Ryala was a mystery to him. It had been that way since the day she'd stepped foot in this house and had gotten worse since Bane had cast her off. He turned back towards Bane.

"What makes you think she will talk to me?" he asked, the earlier anger and aggression now gone.

"I'm not sure she will…but she would not respond to Kalia or anyone else. I need your ability to read people…get inside her head. Find out if she's alright."

Ahh so that's what it was. Bane wanted his gift. It wasn't because Bane thought that Ryala would accept him it was because he had the ability to read peoples emotions and sometimes their thoughts bled over so that he heard them to. Going to do this would at least give him something to do so that he wouldn't stalk the halls all night one big ball of caged energy. He looked at Bane, nodded once then strode down the hall toward Ryala's room.

Ryala sat in the middle of the king size bed on top of the gorgeous gold damask comforter, her back against the pillows, her knees pulled into her chest. She stared into the dark room. She had no clue how long she'd been like that except that it had been a while. The butler had led her to this room the night her dreams had shattered. God that night…it kept playing over and over in her mind. Bane and Kalia….the Scribe Virgin….Therror had been there. Dang it, the entire brotherhood had been there…had heard and seen what had happened. Once again her mind floated back to that night.

_She stood on the floor looking at Bane, anger etched into every line of his roughly gorgeous face. Something turned over in her stomach…was that fear? Yeah fear…as a growl rumbed in his chest and he bared his fangs at her that same fear made her throat go dry. She'd never seen Bane so angry…so vicious and it was all directed at her. She tried to swallow past the lump in her throat. She'd sold them out…tried to have Kalia taken out of the picture which had ended up making her lose the baby that she'd been carrying…Bane's baby. Oh god….she hadn't meant for Kalia to get hurt neither did she want her dead. She just wanted her away from Bane so that hopefully he would look at her the way he always lookd at Kalia. _

_Kalia stood behind Bane looking grim. With the door open Bane's next words were surely heard through the entire house. _

"_Ryala I want you gone. You mean nothing to me! Do you understand? Not a dang thing! She is my world" He'd said pointing back at Kalia. "you were never more than my duty as king…I do as commanded. I was commanded to be with you and that was a huge freaking mistake! You have just proven that you are no better than your mother, Saphyra" _

_By this time the room was filled with the members of the Black Blood Brotherhood. Bane's words shot through Ryala making her blood run cold. She felt as if he'd just ripped her heart out and handed it to her. The worst thing was that he'd said she was like her mother. "I'm nothing like my mother!" was what she was screaming on the inside but the look on Bane's face kept her lips shut tight. Suddenly the room went cold…and a breeze blew through the room blowing out the lights as if they were mere candles. She looked over and seen a dark robed figure. Ryala recoiled knowing instantly who it was. The brothers at her back all muttered curses. She couldn't look away as the Scribe Virgin lifted her head and even though Ryala couldn't see her eyes she knew that she was looking directly at her. _

One question brought her back to the present. What did the scribe virgin see when she looked at her? Did she see the pitiful female that was fearful of her own mate? Did she seen a female so desperate to have love that she would do anything to gain it? Even by being with a male who cared not for her?

Bile rose in the back of her throat threatening to overcome her. Her life had been filled with disspointments. People failed her, heck she failed herself. She'd tried so hard to fit in. Coming into the brotherhood's place of residence had felt like a new start. Some way to redeem herself for her past failures. She tried hard to present herself as a queen should…as a member of the glymera should but it was all in vain. Not once had they accepted her. They had all seen her as the outsider. As the witch's daughter. Torrid had hated her from the moment he'd set eyes on her. Who knew what the rest of the brother's thought of her…they all kept away from her. Never making eye contact as if that was against the rules. God was she that hideous to them? The bile began to rise in her throat again and she scrambled off the bed and raced into the bathroom. She vomited then stumbled to the sink. She turned on the cold water, cupped her hands then splashed her face. She looked up catching her own reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were the color lavender's the pupil's darker than the irises. Her ebony black hair falling to her waist in waves. She studied herself for a moment and the longer she looked the more sick she became.

"Why?" she asked the reflection in the mirror but got no response. "What a disgrace you are" she said to herself. "you can't keep a mate….no male will even look at you. What do you have to offer?" A bitter laugh escaped her lips and her eyes darkened "what else do you have to offer that hasn't already been thrown back in your face unwanted?!" She yelled at herself. Her eyes narrowed and she let out a hiss. It was like something inside of her just snapped and anger filled her. She hated the person who was staring back at her. Her hands fumbled for the drawer under the counter and then yanked it open.

She grabbed the pair of scissors out of the drawer and without another thought started hacking away at her hair. Black tresses fell in a seeming unendless rain around her feet. She stopped cutting when her vision went blurry. She blinked furiously until she could see clearly again. Instead of long wavy hair she now had short hair. Short, jagged strands of hair were all that was left. The scissors clattered against the sink as she ran her hands through her cropped hair. Tears fell as her hands stopped right below her ears where her hair ended. What did it matter? She asked herself. No one cared. Her knees gave out and she sank to the floor tears now flowing non stop down her face.

Therror knocked at Ryala's door but got no response. He knew she was in there because he could feel her. Not only could he feel her presence but her sorrow was like a weight in the air suffocating him. He knocked again then turned the handle and found it locked. She wanted to be alone…mabey he should just walk away and tell Bane that it was a no go. He took a step back prepared to turn and walk but a loud scream stopped him in his tracks. He turned the knob once again but this time used force so that the thing broke off and then he yanked the door open. He rushed into the room but found it empty, the bed was rumpled as if someone had been in it but there was no sign of her. He heard a sob and his head whipped around to the half open bathroom door.

He walked over and slowly pushed the door letting it swing open. His eyes caught black marring the ceramic tile floor. What the….hair? He finally seen Ryala on the floor right in the middle of all the black. She was laying on her side curled into a ball sobbing. She didn't move, didn't look up at him. He seen the scissors in the sink then looked back at her realizing that all the black was exactly what he'd thought it had been….her hair.

"Jesus…..Ryala…..Ryala?" He crouched down next to her and went to touch her but she jerked away from him as if she felt his hand inching close to her skin. "Ryala it's Therror"

"Leave me alone" she said in a hoarse whisper.

"I can't do that….You've been in here for days now. You need to eat or your going to become weak" Her eyes met his then and the coldness in them shocked him.

"GET OUT!!" Her voice echoed off the walls as she screamed at him.

His eyes narrowed as she went back to laying on the floor as if he'd already done what she'd commanded. Right..like he would do that. If he thought that her sorrow was strong standing outside the door it was a hundred times worse beside her. Everything she was feeling was weighing on him making it feel as if a ton of bricks were sitting on his chest. He took a deep breath and forced her feelings away from him creating a calm space around him as if he was sitting in a bubble. He then reached out and slipped his arm around her waist. She jerked as if she'd forgotten he was there then starting to pull away from him. He wrapped his other arm around her and pulled her to her feet. She glared at him but the look he gave her seemed to keep her quiet.

"I'm taking you to the bed" he said as he lifted her feet of the floor and gathered her completely in his arms. The fight seemed to drain out of her for a moment and for a moment he thought that mabey he would have peace. He sat her on the bed and immediately she moved away from him.

"Get away from me. I don't want you in here" she said as she snarled at him.

"not your call" he said as he walked to the door. He stuck his head out and called for Dius, the butler. He came running.

"Get her some food..soup or something. And something to drink. She needs to eat"

"yes sir" and he turned and shuffled down the hallway. Therror turned back to Ryala who was pretending like he wasn't there. He wanted out of the room. He wanted away from her grief and guilt. It was suffocating him…it was so strong that he was having a hard time keeping it away from him. Right now he could probably strangle Bane for doing this to her. Even though he didn't love her he could've treated her better. Dang it. He was sympathizing with her! He needed to get away and fast.

"I'm going to go now. Dius will be in here with food in a minute. Eat it. You need your strength"

"you have no idea what I need" she said, her voice sounding uneven and bitter. He shook his head and without another word walked out of the room. He walked fast down the hallway, nearly running in an atempt to escape her emotions. Christ, they were overwhelming his senses. He hated that feeling. He hated feeling someone else's pain, especially hers. He was so engrossed in getting away from her that he nearly ran over Shayryn. He skidded to a stop and she smiled at him. The smile shocked him because not many people smiled at him but then again Shay had always been different. After volunterring to deal with Torrid for eternity his opinion of her changed drastically. Only a seriously headstrong female would want to put up with that male for eternity…or a crazy one. He wasn't sure which one he was putting Shay under.

"Hey Therror. You just come from Ryala's room?"

Dang did the whole house already know that he was the one sent in to deal with Bane's mess? Probably. "yeah. I'm on my way out…I'll see ya" he walked past her but a hand on his arm stopped him. He turned his head and looked at Shayryn. The smile on her face now replaced with a very serious look, one he couldn't read but what she was feeling spoke volumes to him. Worry, pity, hopefulness?

"Will she be alright?" She asked, her eyes shining as if she really cared. Huh…mabey she did.

"I don't know" was all he could give her. She squeezed his arm gently then walked off leaving him alone in the hallway.

Bane paced his office, circling the persian rug once, twice and he was going for round three when the office door opened and Therror walked in. The male looked angry and Bane figured it was at him. Therror willed the door shut and it's slam reverberated through the room. Bane stopped pacing and faced Therror waiting patiently for him to speak first. He knew it was coming.

"You….Don't ever freaking ask me to do that again. I will not be responsible for your messes. Do you hear me?" Said Therror, nearly yelling.

"Therror you demand nothing of me. Do you hear _me_?" Bane's voice remained calm but his body was tense. He knew what Therror was capable of. What Therror had done in the past. He'd been witness to some of it so he would never truly relax around this male.

"I will not fix this for you Bane"

"I didn't ask you to. I asked you to read her. What did you feel?"

Therror turned his back to him and paced the room much like he'd been doing himself a few minutes ago.

"What do you think I felt Bane? Sorrow…pain…guilt so thick it nearly suffocated me. Are you satisfied now?" Therror whipped around with his last words and glared at Bane.

"Why would I be satisfied when someone is grieving? I hurt for her"

"You lie"

Bane's eye's narrowed into slits and he felt that dark part within him stir. It was only awakened by anger..sometimes pain. Right now he was pissed. Therror must've felt the shift as the darkness in him stretched trying to find a release because he became tense for a fight. Bane took four steps until once again he was right in Therror's face.

"Watch who you accuse of lying, Therror son of Ahrmour, one day you may just push the wrong person to far"

Therror didn't flinch. He stared back not even blinking of course Bane had expected no less. The door opened just as Therror growled low in his throat and Bane felt the urge to release the swelling tide of rage that was trapped inside of him. Suddenly it felt as if a bucket of water had been thrown over his head. The boiling anger in him soothing until it was no longer there and he felt almost peaceful. His head whipped around and he spotted Kalia. His Shellan. The one he loved and the only one who had the power to control the darkness inside of him. Without a blink he moved towards her and gathered her in his arms, crushing her in an embrace. He kissed the side of her neck then turned her putting her back to his front and they both turned to look at Therror. Kalia spoke first.

"Don't blind yourself to the truth Therror. Bane cares. If there would've been a way to keep Ryala from getting hurt I would've taken that road. There was no other way. She escaped punishment from the Scribe Virgin which is something most people can not say. She should be grateful for that and she should be grateful for you. One day she will see you Therror."

Therror's eyes widened and he shook his head. Bane was even astonished. Sometimes the wisdom that his Female possessed surprised him. Therror frowned so hard it pulled his eyebrows down low over his eyes then he shook his head again.

"Don't fool yourself Kalia. I feel nothing for her. Nor she for me so you can drop whatever little matchmaking scheme you have playing out in your pretty little head right now. It's not going to work"

Before Bane could even register his feelings he'd moved around Kalia and had Therror pinned against the wall with a hand around his throat. Still the male showed no fear. He was just plain stupid.

"You speak to her with respect!" he punched the wall right beside Therror's head. "I swear Therror you've been pushing me all day with your smart mouth! Keep on pushing and you'll soon come to regret it"

Therror smiled a deadly smile as he shoved Bane back. "Do your worst King. I'm already dead inside anyways" with that the door slammed as Therror exited the room.

Ryala woke up from a restless sleep when she felt the switch between night and day. She'd always been able to tell without a watch or any other sign when the sun's last rays faded from the sky and the darkness took over. It was like some kind of an internal clock. She sat up, her head swam making the room spin and she laid back down. What was wrong with her? Well other than all the grief and crying for the past week and a half. When was the last time she'd fed? She couldn't remember. She knew she needed to. She was weak in her body and she knew if she didn't feed she would become ill but she couldn't find the strength to care. She closed her eyes again wondering just how she'd gotten in the bed last night when she remembered Therror coming into her room.

God she'd been a mess…was still a mess. She slowly lifting a shaking hand and felt her chopped off hair. Oh god….she'd made a huge mess of it. She climbed off the ridiculously high bed and stumbled into the bathroom. She took a deep breath as she seen the white tile floor without a strand of black hair to be found. Dius must've cleaned it up which mean that she'd seriously been out of it. She looked in the mirror again her eyes darkening. Cutting off her hair meant so much more than just wanting to go with a short style, it was a turning point. The new era in Ryala's life. She would never again be the same needy female.

She hated herself. Hated who she had been. Trying pathetically to fit in to no avale. There was no point to it. She would no longer try. She closed her eyes as the icy bitterness flowed through her filling her up. When she opened her eyes again they were a crystal purple. With her mind made up she turned back to her room and began to undress.

Therror lay in his bed unable to sleep as Kalia's words circled around in his head. _One day she will see you Therror_. God he had to quit thinking about it. He was going to drive himself mad. Well that would be a short trip, he thought bitterly as he threw one arm above his head. He closed his eyes again trying one more time to get some much needed rest but a loud commotion from downstairs caused him to climb out of bed and walk out into the corridor.

Raised voices, pleading and a single voice saying no. Ryala. He could sense her down there. Curiousity compelled him to take the trip down the stairs. No one noticed as he walked behind the small group and stood in the corner. His eyes focused on Ryala. God she was so withdrawn. So cold. Her eyes glittered looking glassy…not as if she was high but as if they were frozen purple. She had nothing in her hands yet he knew that she was leaving. It was once again her feelings but this time it wasn't sorrow he was getting from her. It was indifference. Cold, righeteous indignation. He reached out with his senses trying to find some trace of warmth but the cold that he felt had him flinching back. Ryala's eyes flipped to his as if she'd felt him pushing at her emotions.

Their gazes locked neither moving and for a second Therror thought he felt something pass between them but the connection was broke when Bane spoke.

"Ryala you are welcome here. You will always be welcome at this house. You need to stay"

Ryala's eyes moved from looking at him to glaring a hole through Bane. Therror let his back lean against the wall and crossed his ankles looking as disinterested as he could possibly get.

"I won't stay. I do not want to see you..ever again. There is nothing you can say to make me say. You said it all a week ago"

"Ryala don't-"

"Don't what Bane? Don't what? Don't go so that I can watch day in and day out how you love your mate so much? How you would do anything to keep her in your life? It should've been me! Not her! I'm sick of getting walked on…pushed around and told what to do, who to be with….what to be. I will not have it any longer. Do not speak another word to me"

Bane clamped his mouth shut and Ryala pushed past him to walk to the door. Since Therror was propped right by the only door leading out the front she had to pass him. She paused for a second and stared at him giving him the full force of all that coldness that she was now possessed with. Time seemed to freeze….literally stopped as if there wasn't anyone in the foyer but the two of them. Therror itched to reach out to her to try and call out the warmth that he'd once felt in her but just as his hand moved to touch her time snapped back into place and his hand stopped before it even left his side. She turned from him and walked out into the night. Therror stared at the door feeling as if that huge moment he'd felt the day before had just happened and he'd missed the opportunity to change something. What he should've done he had no clue but…it was something. He was missing something. He cleared his throat when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked over to see Crimson's hand there. Crimson was another member of the brotherhood, had been for centuries and probably one of the only vampire's in the brotherhood that he could get along with. Even still, right now was not the time. He shrugged the brother's huge hand off his shoulder and walked past the rest of the grim looking group.

Three Months Later

Ryala stepped into the bathroom and had to grab onto the door frame to keep herself from falling over. Dang, how much had she drank? She was still standing so not nearly enough. She cautiously let go of wall stayed close just in case she went to fall again. She leaned over the sink trying to catch her breath. The last three months were just a blur to her. After leaving the Brotherhood's place she'd took the bus to Chicago where she knew no one. From there she'd found her a small apartment on the crappy side of town and set to changing her life around. She thought back to the first time she'd gotten drunk enough to pass out. It had been two nights after arriving in Chicago. She'd woken up with a huge headache, she was sick for two days but the fact that it had literally rendered her incapable of thought made her want to do it again…and again. Her nights were filled with parties, clubbing, drinking and she'd recently started with some minor drugs. The high and the don't give a care attitude that came with it made her want more and more. She hated herself even more but when she was high or drunk she didn't have to think about it. Win win situation. She took a deep breath and looked at her reflection in the cracked mirror in the club's bathroom. God what a difference three months makes. She used to have long flowing black hair now she had short short bleach blonde hair. Her makeup, the little bit she'd took the time to put on, had melted away. Her mascara had ran making black smudges around her eyes now bloodshot eyes.

She'd accomplished her goal. She was no longer Ryala…she was someone totally different. Someone who didn't care if she lived or died. She looked down at the sink feeling the self loathing come crawling back into her system. Yep it was definitely time for another shot of something. The door made that loud squeak that it did when someone opened it but she didn't even bother to look up. She turned and started out of the bathroom. She looked up a broad shouldered figure blocking the door. The man took a step towards her out of the shadows and the look on his face let her know that he hadn't accidentally came into the wrong bathroom.

"umm..excuse me I need to go through-"

"your not going anywhere"

She took a step back as he advanced on her. She moved sideways to go around him but he grabbed her by her arm. Instantly she knew that he was one of her kind. Oh crap….she couldn't overpower him especially not in the state she was in. oh..god…oh…god. His hand tightened around her arm and he smiled seeing her fear.

"yeah. You know what's going to happen. I've watched you most of the night..the way you move" The male said with a sick smile on his face. He shoved her back hard against the counter. With her free hand she reached up and clawed at his face and went to scream for help but he backhanded her so hard it made her teeth clamp together. She warmth on her face as blood dripped off her lip. He laughed and licked it off of her which made her start to whimper.

"Please don't….don't do this" His laugh echoed off the walls of the empty bathroom.

"don't worry. This shouldn't last to long…unless of course you fight me"

Fight him? What else did he think she would do? Sit here and let him rape her. She brought her knee up fixing to slam it into his groin but he flipped her around bringing her back flush up against his hard body. She squirmed as his hand found the button of her jeans. A scream ripped from her as he bit her neck….she closed her eyes praying that he would just kill her. Mabey this would be the end of her life. Mabey she wouldn't have to deal with life anymore. Yeah….dying…that peaceful rest that awaited her on the other side sounded really nice right about now. She stopped fighting willing him to just end it all for her except….suddenly a roar of a yell cut off her thoughts of death and suddenly she was alone in the bathroom. She spun around as the door slammed shut. What in the world? She ran out of the door into the hallway but the only people there were a couple in the corner making out. What had just happened? God….she needed to get out of her.

She pushed her way through the club and headed home getting there at close to dawn. As she locked her door the sensation that she was being watched flooded her. She turned around but there was no one there. Good grief girl your losing it. Then again you've always known you'd lose it one day. She thought to herself. She sat down on her single bed the only furniture in the one bedroom apartment and rubbed her arms. The thought that she'd almost been raped tonight chilled her to the bone. She did not want to go there…did not want to think about what had almost happened. She left the lights on as she lay down in the bed and closed her eyes.

Therror watched from the window as Ryala lay on her side in the middle of that tiny bed and curl into a ball. He watched as she shivered from the cold but didn't reach for a blanket even though she was laying on top of one. Self punishment, even if it's small seems to make you feel in control of something. He should know. He'd been down that road to hell. What was his problem? He hated that she done this to herself. Constantly pushing herself to the limits with the drugs and alchohol. He knew because he'd been coming to check on her over the last three months. Why would he do that? He had no freaking clue. All he knew was that he had to. Had to know that she was ok.

He'd tried so hard to stay away so many times but he could only go about three weeks without coming and checking up on her. She never knew of course. He didn't want her to know. Then she would know that he'd been secretly obsessed with her ever since she'd come to the Brotherhood's mansion. No…he didn't want anyone knowing that. He wasn't even staying with the Brotherhood anymore. He'd moved away also so those freaking old bitty's wouldn't find out about his little addiction.

He stiffened as he seen her take a great breath and then her shoulders started to shake and he knew that she was crying. He'd shut her emotions out. Didn't want to hear what she was thinking but one emotion had brought him to her tonight. Fear. He'd already been watching the entrance to the club, waiting for her to come out and head home so he could make sure she would get there safely but her fear had broken through the wall he'd erected to keep her out. What had scared him most wasn't her fear….it had been the moment when that fear was replaced by an eerie calm. That had been the moment when he'd stepped in.

Now as he watched her cry he fought the urge to go to her. Twice his feet started to move towards the door but he'd caught himself. He put his hand to his chest and rubbed the ache there. God what was his problem? Why the….god what was this? Something he'd never felt before….or had he? His heart was pounding and…..christ he really cared about her didn't he? That was freaking crazy. Not once in his pathetic life had he ever felt any affection towards any person. He didn't know why he just couldn't feel anything for anyone. He'd always thought that part of him was just broken but standing here now…watching Ryala….he felt….Jesus he FELT!

De Ja Vu hit him like a slap in the face and for a brief second he seen something similar to what he was seeing now. A girl…small girl crying, sobbing with grief and the urge to go to her overwhelmed him. Just like that the feeling was gone leaving what felt like a huge hole in his chest. He took a deep breath and stepped away from Ryala's window. He had to get out of here. Had to get away from her and the strange things that this female made him feel. He took a breath and dematerialized.

The drug dealer stood on the corner waiting for his next customer. It was cold out here tonight and getting inside sounded like a good thing to do but he didn't make the money like that. He had a rep to uphold…products to sell so he chose to freeze his but off instead. It was a quiet night, if it could actually get quiet in a city like Chicago. He glanced down at his watch it was three am. Time for the serious buyers to be coming around. He looked to the left, shifted his weight from his right foot to his left, shoved his hands in his pockets then looked down the other way. He jumped as he felt someone touch him. He whipped his head back around to where he'd just been looking and narrowed his eyes.

"What the heck?" He said as he looked down at the blonde woman. Where had she come from? He'd just looked that way and no one had been there.

"I…uhh…I need….something from you" the woman said as she looked down at the ground. He shook his head feeling irratated that she was wasting his time.

"yeah well everyone needs something. Either get to the point sweetheard or get to walkin"

"I need…..heroin" she said on a whisper. He raised his eyebrow as he looked down at her. Her hands were shaking, she was scared out of her wits. Obviously this was her first time. Go figure. He shook his head.

"This ain't no charity honey. What your askin for costs"

She pulled a wad of money out of her pocket and his eyes widened. "Will this be enough?" she asked in that small voice of hers. He smiled, his eyes gleaming as he reached into his pocket. "Looks like tonight is your lucky night doll face"

Ryala leaned back against the cold brick wall of her run down apartment and stared at the little package of drugs that she'd bought almost an hour ago. She'd been so sure when she'd walked up to the guy but now…..she wasn't sure. She wanted oblivion. A way to escape from life. Her tolerence level to the alcohol that she'd been downing almost everyday was growing so it would take more booze to get her to the point of completely losing it. The small time drugs just were kicking it for her. She needed something strong. Something that would take it all away.

Before she could change her mind she wrapped the makeshift turnicate around her upper arm then grabbed the needle she'd prepared and plunged it into her vein. It hurt at first as the needle pierced her skin but it didn't last and soon after she felt as if she was being released from her body. She slumped against the wall her hand falling from her arm, the needle falling to the floor.

Hours later, long after the sun had come up and the high from the first dose had faded she prepared another. This one much larger than the first. IT hadn't lasted nearly enough for her but then a couple of weeks would probably not being long enough. She felt that same euphoria again as if she was floating away from her body, watching herself from the clouds as if the person on the floor of the dingy room was a separate being. She had finally hit rock bottom. Becoming the slime that fed off drugs, lived for the high and the thrill. How she hated herself. This was her last thought before passing out completely.


End file.
